


No Fear

by bklue18



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-06-08 19:09:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6869836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bklue18/pseuds/bklue18
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been 3 months since Bucky decided to be frozen again.<br/>But knowing that it can't be an option forever, T'Challa has enlisted the help of his best friend. Will she succeed in undoing all that HYDRA had done and teach Bucky to not be afraid of himself anymore?</p><p>Or will everything fall apart?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Meeting

"In here, Miss Lee."

She thanked the soldier who brought her in, and received a salute in return before he left her alone in the room. She pulled out a chair and was just about to sit down when the door opened.

"RJ-Welcome."

She turned, with her hands on her hips, and smiled seeing her friend.

"T'Challa." She said. "Thank you for the private jet out to Wakanda where I received little to no details about the 'favor'. Not to mention, I had to quit my very well-paying job for this."

"Did you tell anyone where you were going?" He asked.

She rolled her eyes. "Does this look like my first rodeo?"

T'Challa chuckled. "Sorry. I just had to be sure."

"So, I'm here. All alone. No one knows where I went." She said. "Can I now know why I'm here?"

"Come with me." He said.

She looked at her bags that sat at the corner of the room.

"You won't be needing your bags." He said. "Someone will have them brought up to your room."

* * *

The two left what seemed to have been the meeting room and ventured deeper into the compound. They eventually stopped in front of a highly-secured wing. T'Challa punched in three numbers on the side panel, before he breathed into what seemed like a breath tube.

"Okay. This doesn't look good. What are you doing?" She asked.

He merely smiled. "It's a breath recognition software."

"Yeah.. I know what that is." She said. "But why do you have it?"

Not saying another word, the panel turned green and the doors slid open before them.

"After you." T'Challa said.

With her eyebrows furrowed in suspicion, she walked into the wing. T'Challa stepped in behind her just as the doors shut. She took a look at her surroundings and noticed the similarity in decor at the Avengers headquarters.

"I see you took a couple of decorating suggestions from Mr Stark's Avengers headquarters.. except everything is in white." She said.

"I find that the color White implies fairness and impartiality, neutrality and independence." T'Challa said. "A color that represents what I believe in."

Seeing her friend about to launch into another one of his many 'zen-themed' speeches, she stopped him with a serious question that had been in her mind since she left New York.

"T'Challa." She said. "Tell me honestly. Am I going to regret coming here?"

He looked at her. "There are things that cannot be assured even though we are the best of friends. This is something that only you can answer."

"That's not really helping." She said.  
"I can only honestly tell you that you are the only one I know who would be able to do this job." T'Challa said.

She looked at him for a bit and sighed. "Okay, okay. So, what is it I'm here for?"

* * *

Once T'Challa punched in another set of key code into the panel next to the door, it lit up in green again; granting them immediate access.

He gestured for her to enter first, and she walked in without hesitating.

She was greeted with an empty clean room with a couple of medical machines around and a bed by the corner. It looked like any ordinary sort of medical lab. She was just about to ask T'Challa what was going on when she spotted the white capsule standing upright in the middle of the room.

Her curiosity set in as she walked up towards the capsule. As the cooling mist within the capsule passed upwards, she saw human legs - leading her to strongly believe that a body lay inside. She watched as the mist cleared over the torso until she was face to face with a person she had only seen digitally.

She backed away in surprise, unable to form complete sentences.

She looked at T'Challa, eyes wide. "This-This-Oh no-no. T'Challa-This-His the Winter Soldier!"

"I know." T'Challa said.

"Then what is he doing here?!" She asked. "You're going to be in so much trouble with the United States Government. We have to turn him over to the-"

"That I cannot do." T'Challa said.  
"What?" She said.

"Mr Barnes has been a victim in this war between the good and the bad." T'Challa said. "I couldn't save my father, RJ. By helping Mr Barnes, I'd be able to give him a chance at peace."

She looked at her friend and knew she couldn't argue with that. Even when the media had been playing up the Winter Soldier to be the boogey-man of everyone's nightmares, she had always never believed what they said. She knew what HYDRA was capable of, and what T'Challa said was right. He was a victim even if he did end many innocent lives in the process.

She sighed. "You do know that I would be a traitor of my country now, right?"

"Wakanda is ready to offer you citizenship anytime." T'Challa said, with a small smile.

"I'm serious, T'Challa." She said, hitting his arm with the back of her hand.

"Don't worry, Riley-Jay." He said. "I brought you into this and I will make sure you get out of this without any liability."

She pushed up her glasses. "Did he really-"

"Yes." T'Challa said. "But this is between him, Captain Rogers and Mr Stark."

"Okay-okay." Riley-Jay said.

She looked at T'Challa and then at the Winter Soldier before taking in a deep breath. "Okay. What do I need to do with him?"

"Three things." T'Challa said. "One, try and help undo what HYDRA did to his brain. Two, help him to create a brand new arm and Three, look after him."

"Number three sounds like a nanny's job." Riley-Jay said.  
"I know but you would be the only person he gets to interact with, aside from Captain Rogers." T'Challa said.

He continued. "And with the progress you'll get with undoing what HYDRA did, you would be the only one who can help talk him through things."

She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "What makes you think I'll be successful?"

"Don't think I didn't know you helped with Mr Stark's Hippocampus invention that he used at MIT." T'Challa said.  
"That was merely manipulating present memories and Mr Stark's brain isn't so messed up like his." Riley-Jay said.

"I've seen you developing some ideas in college, RJ." T'Challa said. "I know you can do it."

With T'Challa's vote of confidence, Riley-Jay felt all doubts fade away. After her parents' death, T'Challa had been the only other family she had.

"Alright-alright, quit with the flattery." Riley-Jay said. "I'll accept the job."

T'Challa smiled. "Good, I knew you would."

Riley-Jay rolled her eyes and looked at him. "So, when am I going to meet him?"

* * *

It was like being pulled out of a deep slumber.

He opened his eyes slowly, adjusting to the light that met him after what seemed like years. He almost felt fear rise when he realized that he no longer had that dreaded arm which tied him to HYDRA.

He moved to get out of the capsule a little too quickly and nearly fell forward when a girl in a labcoat with shoulder length hair and glasses rushed to his side.

"Whoa-okay. I got you." She said.

He looked at her, trying to figure out if she was a friend or a foe. She helped him over to the bed by the corner and sat him down.

"Oof." She said. "I should really stop underestimating the weight of people."

He looked at her quizzically but got distracted by the presence of a couple of medical personnel and T'Challa.

"How long have I been under?" He asked, his voice hoarse.  
"3 months." T'Challa replied.

Before he could ask another question, Riley-Jay passed him a glass of water.

"You'll need this." She said.

Although wary of her, he took the glass from her and finished it within seconds. Just as Riley-Jay was about to take the glass from him, another person entered the room.

"Hey Buck."

T'Challa turned. "Captain Rogers."

"Your Highness." He replied.

Riley-Jay, who was trying her hardest to blend in with the white wall to avoid being spotted, unfortunately caught the Captain's eyes.

"You look familiar." He said.

She nodded. "I'm Riley-Jay Lee, but you can call me RJ. Uh-And... You might have seen me walking around the Avengers Headquarters."

"Your Highness, I thought you said-"

"Please don't worry, Captain." She said. "I no longer work with Mr Stark. And, thanks to T'Challa here, I'm probably a wanted traitor of the United States."

"Welcome to the club."

She glanced at Bucky before turning back to the Captain.

"T'Challa got me here to help Mr Barnes." She said.  
"She might be able to undo what HYDRA did to your friend." T'Challa said.

The Captain looked at her seriously. "Can you?"

"I've developed a couple of theories and ideas since college." She said.

"But can you?"

Figuring that the person she needed to convince more was Bucky, she turned around and looked at him.

"I can't promise or guarantee that what I've been working on will succeed. But I can promise you that I will try my hardest to make it work." She said.

Seeing the hope in Bucky's eyes start to falter, she hurriedly continued. "Look, I know it's not quite the answer you wanted to get but I just want you to know that I am not someone who gives up. Even if I have to be frozen like you to ensure I don't grow old and feeble, I'm down for it."

"Just know that even if you've given up trying to get rid of HYDRA's control on your brain, I won't stop."

Riley-Jay tried her hardest not to look away despite the intense look Bucky was giving her made her feel uncomfortable. After what felt like more than a minute pass, Bucky finally spoke.

"I believe her, Steve."

She turned back to the Captain. "And while I am working on fixing his head, I'll also be working to fix his arm."

"How would you-"

T'Challa stopped him. "She's a bit of a genius."

"All you need to know is I'm more than qualified to handle anything psychological, biological and technical." Riley-Jay said.

The Captain merely nodded his approval. "Alright, we'll leave Bucky in your hands."


	2. Routine Medical Checks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been 3 months since Bucky decided to be frozen again.  
> But knowing that it can't be an option forever, T'Challa has enlisted the help of his best friend. Will she succeed in undoing all that HYDRA had done and teach Bucky to not be afraid of himself anymore?
> 
> Or will everything fall apart?

"I'm going to do a couple of routine checks first, okay?"

Bucky nodded as he sat still on the bed. After T'Challa, Steve and the other personnel left, he was left alone with Riley-Jay who he still couldn't believe was qualified to be a doctor.

"How old are you?" He asked.

She looked up from her clipboard. "What do you mean?"

"I'm just wondering if you are really as qualified as the Cat said you were." He said.

She pushed up her glasses - a habit that she couldn't break whenever she got nervous or annoyed.

"I'll have you know that I graduated top of the class in the colleges where I got my degrees." Riley-Jay said. "With honors."

"So, 27." He said.

She looked at him. "I'm 25."

He made a slightly impressed face, to which she rolled her eyes before looking at the chart on her clipboard again.

"So you were in college when you were 17?" He asked.  
"15. I graduated at 18." She replied.

He nodded. "So the Cat was being modest by saying you're a bit of a genius."

"He's just trying to convince both you and the Captain that I am the best shot you have right now." She said. "Besides, I hate it when people say I'm a genius."

"But it is what you are, right?" He said.

She looked at him. "That doesn't define me."

"What does?" He asked.

"My skills, my personality." She said. "Not my age or the word genius."

He nodded and kept quiet as she stuck the ear thermometer in to take his temperature.

"How long have you been going out with the Cat?" He asked.

She looked at the reading on the thermometer and wrote it down on her clipboard, unfazed by Bucky's question. She had been asked this question a dozen times and her usual reaction to it was to roll her eyes - which she had an urge to do but since she had to establish a rapport with Bucky, she decided not to.

She placed the thermometer back in its holder and her clipboard down, next to Bucky.

"Number one, the Cat has a name and he kinda saved your butt here so be nice." She said. "Two, T'Challa and I are not together. We have been best friends since college and he's always been like family to me; never more than that."

She put her hands on her hips. "So is that clear enough?"

Bucky nodded as she picked up her clipboard and resumed the check-up.

To say he wasn't enjoying this conversation was an understatement. He had never had a decent conversation with another person ever since he became the Winter Soldier. But then again, his mind was always under control so being able to conduct a proper conversation was close to   
impossible.

Bucky silently watched as Riley-Jay went through the different checks she had to conduct on him. It was an occupational hazard of his - since he was pretty much programmed to observe on top of all the dangerous skills of his; but there was something about her reaction to his gaze that made it amusing.

"Am I making you nervous?" He asked.

"Hmm? No." She replied. "What makes you think that?"

"Your cheeks are much rosier than before." He said.

She straightened and pushed up her glasses. "I-It's hot in here."

"The temperature is just fine to me." He said.

He looked at her expectantly but she merely mumbled 'wait here' before hurrying out of the room. As soon as she left the room, he couldn't help but smile.

It's been a long time since he flirted with a girl and damn, he still had it.

* * *

"So, what next?" Bucky asked Steve, who was accompanying him in the room.

"They are going to do a brain scan for you." Steve replied.

Bucky nodded. "And I'll go back under after that?"

Steve shook his head. "No. That was the last time you're going under."

Bucky scoffed lightly. "Steve-I'm a ticking time bomb."

"Only When someone says those words." He corrected.  
"And until that's solved, I shouldn't be out of that capsule." Bucky said.

Steve crossed his arms in front of his chest. "In case you haven't figured it out yet, you're in a very secure facility. You're going to have a hell of a fight to get out of here."

"Besides, everyone here knows what triggers you and none of us wants a brainwashed Bucky on our hands." He added.

He thought for a bit just as Steve clapped his shoulder. "You're going to get better, Buck. And when you do, I can't wait for us to fight the bad guys together again."

Riley-Jay walked into the room. "We're ready for the scan now."

"We'll be right there." Steve said.

She nodded and walked out of the room, leaving Steve and Bucky alone again.

Steve put out his hand. "Shall we?"

Bucky accepted Steve's helping hand to get off the bed he was sitting on. Together, they walked towards the lab where Bucky was to have his brain scan.

* * *

"This is going to be a harmless procedure. A MRI won't hurt you in anyway." Riley-Jay said. "It's just going to take a couple of pictures of your brain. And you'll be done in a few minutes."

Bucky looked at the machine behind him before getting onto the steel table. "So do I lie down?"

She nodded. He laid down on the narrow metal table as she adjusted the pillow where his head rested. "Comfortable?"

Bucky gritted his teeth and nodded.

Riley-Jay heard a knock on the glass behind her and she turned around to see one of the medical staff give her an 'OK' sign, which was a cue for her to leave so that they can begin the scan.

She looked down at Bucky. "I know this is scary for you. But if you feel uncomfortable, let us know. We'll be on the other side of that glass."

He nodded and Riley-Jay gave him a nod in return before heading back to the monitoring room.

Steve hit the intercom button. "You ready, Buck?"

Bucky took in a breath. "Yeah."

T'Challa nodded and the medical staff operating the MRI machine hit a button to begin moving Bucky towards the center of the machine. When the table stopped moving, Bucky looked around him, feeling an all too familiar memory fighting to surface.

Sure, he wasn't strapped to a chair but laying in a sleeping position surrounded by the machine reminded him of those memory-erasing procedures HYDRA had performed on him when he was the Winter Soldier.

He squeezed his fist tight.

Seeing his reaction, Riley-Jay said, "We got to make this quick."

She moved hurriedly towards the monitors on her left to get a good look at the scans.

"How is it?" Steve asked.  
"From what I'm seeing, it doesn't look good. I'll need the printed scan to see what I'm dealing with." Riley-Jay replied.

T'Challa nodded. "Dahkla, please have the scan printed."

The medical staff nodded and just as he switched to a different angle, Riley-Jay noticed the change in brain activity.

"We got to get him out of there now." She said.

"But we've got one more angle to scan." Dahkla said.

"No time." She said. "His brain activity is showing distress. We need to get him out of there now."

"We'll work with what we have." T'Challa said. "Shut it down now."

Not needing to be told twice, Dahkla sent the images for printing before stopping the MRI process.

"Can I go in?" Steve asked.

Riley-Jay shook her head. "Not yet."

Steve looked at her quizzically but she ignored him and pressed the intercom button just as the narrow metal table came to a full stop at the tip of the machine.

"Mr Barnes?"

There was no answer.

"Mr Barnes? Are you alright?"

T'Challa was just about to call for back-up when a response came through.

"Mr Barnes was my dad." He said. "You should call me Bucky."

Everyone heaved a sigh of relief as Bucky slowly sat up. He winked at Riley-Jay, who nervously pushed her glasses up. Steve shook his head slightly and grinned at his best friend.

"Uh-You may go in now, Captain." Riley-Jay said.

Just as Steve went in, T'Challa came over with a folder in his hands. "The films are ready."

* * *

She left the lab with T'Challa as they headed back to the medical room that Bucky had been in previously.

Switching on the vertical light panel by the door, she stuck Bucky's films onto the surface, and stepped back to study it.

"What are you seeing?" T'Challa asked.  
"A major problem." Riley-Jay replied.

She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "The amount of electroshock he got over the years caused quite a lot of damage to his prefrontal lobe."

She sighed. "I get that it would have made it easier for conditioning but HYDRA could have permanently damaged his brain."

"What does that mean?" T'Challa asked.  
"They didn't give his brain enough time to heal before conducting another electroshock therapy - which led to the blockage of old memories." She replied.

"But he seems to be remembering old memories." T'Challa said.  
"Which is good but the healing retains the conditioning HYDRA did too." She said.

"So, is there anyway to undo the conditioning that they've done?" T'Challa asked.

She wore a serious expression. "Well, yes and no."

"We can bank on the hope that HYDRA's conditioning remains dormant in Mr Bar-Bucky's mind; which would be enough to be forgotten after several years as his brain heals fully." She said. "But, that can only work if no one else triggers his conditioned memory."

"That won't be something I can support." T'Challa said.  
"Me neither. I have thought of another solution but I don't know if it will work." Riley-Jay said.  
"What is it?" T'Challa asked.

She turned to face him. "Breaking down HYDRA's conditioning through dissociation."

"It is a fairly simple process but it has a 50-50 chance of working." Riley-Jay said.

"How does it work?"

Both T'Challa and Riley-Jay turned to see Bucky and Steve standing by the door.

"We simply associate the activation words you were conditioned to respond to, with positive action and memories." Riley-Jay answered.

"That sounds dangerous." Steve said.

"I know. But given the current condition of his brain, we can't afford to give him further stress." She said. "This is the best and safest method right now."

"But doing this could trigger Bucky's Winter Soldier." Steve said.

"Yes, it might. But we will only be tackling a word at a time." Riley- Jay said. "If we see the beginnings of a transition, we can stop."

"So, what you are saying is if we condition the brain enough, it would dissociate with the actions of the Winter Soldier?" T'Challa said.

She nodded. "That's the idea. The only problem now is that it's going to be a long process and I can't guarantee that it will work."

"I'll do it."

The three of them looked at Bucky.

He looked straight at Riley-Jay as he repeated, "I'll do it."

Steve looked at him, unsure of Bucky's decision to go through with it.

"If there is a chance it might work, there's no harm in trying, right?" Bucky said.

Knowing he can't talk Bucky out of something when he is this determined, Steve had no choice but to agree as well.

"Oh alright-We'll just have to make sure the others are around when you're in session." Steve said.


	3. Enlisting Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been 3 months since Bucky decided to be frozen again.  
> But knowing that it can't be an option forever, T'Challa has enlisted the help of his best friend. Will she succeed in undoing all that HYDRA had done and teach Bucky to not be afraid of himself anymore?
> 
> Or will everything fall apart?

Riley-Jay walked in to the main room with a clipboard and as she looked up, she stopped in her tracks. She was thought she was going to be meeting with the staff but instead, the sight that greeted her were not the staff.

She knew that the Captain had broken out the accomplices who were with him during their mission to save Bucky from Zemo, but she had no idea he'd bring them to T'Challa. And she definitely didn't expect them to be sitting on the couch in front of her with excited faces as they laid eyes on her.

As she was about to form some words to say, a voice spoke out from behind her.

"RJ?"

Turning around, she pushed up her specs as Clint Barton walked out of the pantry with a cup of coffee.

"RJ! It is you!"

She smiled excitedly. "Clint!"

He put the cup of coffee down just as Riley-Jay ran over to give him a hug.

"What are you doing here?" He asked. "I thought you're working for Tony."

"I was." She replied. "But T'Challa asked for my help, so I quit."

"You know the King of Wakanda?" He said.  
"Yeah.. Remember my parents' top-secret mission?" She said.

Clint thought for a bit and said. "Oh! That - the alliance treaty with Wakanda."

Riley-Jay raised her eyebrows and Clint laughed. "It wasn't so much of a top-secret after a while."

"Uh.. I don't mean to break up the nice little reunion here but.. What are we doing here?"

She looked at the man known as Scott Lang, who was eating an apple and was about to reply when Sam Wilson and Wanda Maximoff interrupted him.

"Riley-Jay." Sam said. "You're a sight for sore eyes."

She grinned and hugged Sam. "Same could be said for you."

He broke the hug just as Wanda approached with a hug of her own. "I am so happy to see you."

"Me too, Wanda." Riley-Jay said.

Scott looked at the reunion. "Okay, can someone fill me in on why we're hugging here?"

"You're looking at one of the best tech-doctor around." Clint said.

"The next Hank Pym." Sam said. "Miss Riley-Jay Lee."

"She worked for Tony Stark and helped us on many of our Avengers missions." Wanda said.

Scott nodded. "Well, nice to meet you. I'm Scott Lang."

They shook hands and just as he let of of her hand, he said, "I just realized... You've got three names."

"And I just realized you look better when you're small." She replied.

Scott grinned. "Touche."

"So, RJ, what are we doing here?" Sam asked.  
"We're here to help Bucky." Riley-Jay replied.

"Again?" Scott said. "No offence - but we did that the first time and we becamed traitors of the United States of America. I'm not risking my neck again to become the traitor of the entire Universe."

Sam rolled his eyes as he looked at Riley-Jay. "When you say 'help', to what extent do you require?"

"I'm glad you asked. Do you remember the list of activation words used on Bucky?" Riley-Jay asked.

"Well, we don't know the words but we know it exists." Clint said.  
"I have the list of activation words here. I copied it down when Mr Stark brought me with him to visit Zemo in Germany." Riley-Jay said.

Wanda folded her arms in front of her with a concerned look. "You saw the book?"

Riley-Jay nodded. "Yeah. Apparently they had it turned to that page for reference while doing the interrogation with Zemo."

"Mr Stark doesn't know, of course." She continued. "I snapped a photo of it before I did the copying."

"Okay, so what has this got to do with us?" Scott asked.

"I'm trying to help Bucky disassociate the default action these words make him do and I need all of you to help too." Riley-Jay said. "Not just with containment - should the process go South but also to reinforce the disassociation."

Scott blinked and shook his head. "No way."

"I agree with Tic-Tac." Sam said. "RJ, it's too dangerous."

"I know but there isn't anything else we can do when his brain hasn't healed properly yet." Riley-Jay explained. "If we try this process out while his brain continues to heal, it might just help to break the hold HYDRA has on him."

"But what if it doesn't?" Wanda said. "What if he is beyond our help?"

Riley-Jay looked at her. "No one is beyond help. You know that better than anyone."

Wanda looked away just as Clint stepped forward.

"Suppose we agree." He said. "How confident are you that it will work?"

"A 50-50 chance." Riley-Jay said.

The four of them thought for a bit and Wanda was the first to speak.

"I trust RJ." She said. "I'm in."

"I'm in too." Clint said.

"Me too." Sam said. "I'm not missing a chance to whoop his ass if needed."

Riley-Jay smiled. "Thanks guys... What about you, Mr Lang?"

Everyone looked at him and despite his many hesitations, he knew that being a part of the Captain's team was to help those in need. And right now, Bucky needed his help.

He sighed dramatically. "Alright, alright. I'm in too."

"So, how do we go about doing this?" Clint asked.

"I'll be telling you what word we'll be working on every month." Riley-Jay replied. "After 3 months, we'll see if the usage of the first 3 words affects him in anyway. If it doesn't, we can continue on with the next 3 words; until all 10 words have been disassociated in one way or another."

"What if it doesn't work?" Scott said.

Riley-Jay sighed. "Then it'll be back to the drawing board for me."

"Or back to the ice for him." Sam said.

Riley-Jay frowned. "Look. I know you all may have your hesitations about him, heck, I did too. But whatever it was that he did back then, it was out of his control. He couldn't refuse. He went through a lot of pain too but no one ever stops to even think about what he suffered."

She gripped the clipboard tightly. "Anyway, thank you for agreeing to help. We'll start tomorrow morning."

Before any of them could say anything, Riley-Jay hurried out of the main room, back to her living quarters; not noticing that Bucky was standing in the corridor the whole time.


	4. Clarity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been 3 months since Bucky decided to be frozen again.  
> But knowing that it can't be an option forever, T'Challa has enlisted the help of his best friend. Will she succeed in undoing all that HYDRA had done and teach Bucky to not be afraid of himself anymore?
> 
> Or will everything fall apart?

Sitting down on the chair in front of the different computer screens T'Challa had set up for her, Riley-Jay wondered if she had been too harsh with her words.

She hadn't expected to defend Bucky in the way that she had - since he was technically once a weapon of HYDRA; but she just couldn't take their prejudices against him. He was after all plucked from a  
time long past and thrust into the present as James Buchanan Barnes 2.0.

Shaking her head in an effort to clear her thoughts, she clicked open her last video file she had been watching. A re-run of The Upside Down episode from _Stranger Things_.

She sighed. "Tackling things you don't understand in the 80s were so much easier."

"I beg to differ."

Riley-Jay jumped. "ACK-DEMOGORGON!"

Bucky looked at her, baffled at hearing what she had just called him. She cleared her throat and stood up straighter before hitting the pause button for the video.

"What did you just call me?" Bucky asked.

"I-Uh-It's nothing." Riley-Jay replied. "Just a reference to a character from a show."

Bucky nodded and leaned against her door frame.

She looked at him. "Did you need something?"

"You were saying that it was easier to tackle things in the 80s?" Bucky said. "Trust me, it isn't."

"How would you know? You-Wait. Oh, okay, never mind." Riley-Jay replied, realizing that she was questioning a walking time capsule.

"So, you came in here just to correct me?" She asked.

Bucky stood up and walked further into her room before stopping in hesitation. As it is, he is already confused about Riley-Jay's views on him. The other Avengers made it clear that he was a monster so why is this girl willing to risk her good standing with them just to stand up for him?

He had decided to come in to ask her exactly why but whenever she looked at him to address him without prejudice, he found it even more difficult to get the question out. Sure, she had given a brief  
explanation when they first met. But there had to be more to that right?

Riley-Jay looked at Bucky, who seemingly got distracted by his own thoughts and lightly tapped his shoulder. "Bucky?"

He snapped out of his own thoughts and looked at her, slightly disoriented for a second. "Sorry... I just-I..."

She frowned, pushing up her glasses. "Did you just have another HYDRA flashback or something?"

Before Bucky could say anything, she hurriedly grabbed his wrist and sat him down onto the chair. "Don't go anywhere."

She turned her attention to the handy machines she designed around the table and finally found the one she was looking for. She pulled out the sensors for measuring brain activity and stuck them to  
Bucky's temples.

She looked around for her clipboard. "Where is that freaking-"

"I'm not having a HYDRA flashback." Bucky said.

She stopped what she was doing and looked at Bucky. "You're not?"

He shook his head.

"Then why didn't you say so?!" She said.

She made a disgruntled sound just as she pulled the sensors off Bucky, who flinched at the slightly rough removal.

"I'm sorry." He said. "I just-It was quite amusing to see your reaction."

Riley-Jay narrowed her eyes. "I'm glad I provided you with real-live entertainment. Now that the show is over, please leave so that I can go back to my show."

Noticing that he probably peeved her off, he stood up and looked at her. "I'm really sorry. I didn't mean for that to come off like an asshole speaking."

"It's fine." Riley-Jay said.

Bucky sighed. "I actually came in here to ask you something."

"I heard what you said to the other Avengers..." Bucky said.

Her annoyed look disappeared. "Oh-Don't listen to them they're just being Avengers."

"No." He said. "I agree with what they say. I just don't understand why you keep sticking up for me."

She looked at him. "Easy. Because you're not a monster and you have to start believing that."

"I killed a lot of people. I even killed Stark's parents. Hell, I nearly tried to kill my best friend." Bucky said. "After all I've done, I can't not see myself as a monster."

"Then let me refresh your memory." She said. "You were a part of the Howling Commandos and you helped to disable many HYDRA bases during the second World War."

She continued. "Sure, you may have done a lot of bad things since then but you were made to do them. You didn't have your memories. HYDRA made you a Winter Soldier but that's not who you are. You're Bucky Barnes - Steve Rogers' best friend and a World War II hero. HYDRA doesn't own you anymore so don't let your thoughts keep you under their control."

Bucky blinked, absorbing the words she just said. There were so many times when he thought Steve was the only one who believed there was some good left in him. But hearing what Riley-Jay just  
said made him realize that chastising himself had been the coward's way out.

She was right. He had been a World War II hero. The mistakes he made and the lives he's taken since becoming a HYDRA weapon were far too great and wallowing in the daunting guilt wasn't going to get him anywhere. HYDRA is still out there and the only he could atone for his mistakes was to eliminate them all.

The only way to achieve that was to believe.

Believe that he wasn't a condemned man.

Believe that he wasn't a ticking time bomb.

Believe that he wasn't a _**monster**_.


	5. Where Does Your Loyalty Lie?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been 3 months since Bucky decided to be frozen again.  
> But knowing that it can't be an option forever, T'Challa has enlisted the help of his best friend. Will she succeed in undoing all that HYDRA had done and teach Bucky to not be afraid of himself anymore?
> 
> Or will everything fall apart?

Bucky was eating a bowl of cereal alone in the pantry as he recalled the conversation he had with Riley-Jay. Today was the first day of the disassociation exercise she was going to try with him and he was 70% sure it wasn't going to work.

Even if he believed that it would work, he couldn't deny the fact that HYDRA had done a lot of damage to his brain that were irreparable. Who's to say they didn't have any protocol to prevent any undoing?

As he thought about it, he began to feel unsure about going through with the exercise. What if she tried to undo HYDRA's hold on him only to make things worse? What if it woke a sleeping monster that would make him a shell of a man?

His grip on his metal spoon tightened and broke causing him to snap out of his thoughts.

"Whoa."

Bucky looked up to see Riley-Jay with a surprised expression and a cup of water that was half-way to her lips. He quickly let go of the other half of the spoon as it clattered onto the table next to the scoop end of the spoon. "Miss Lee... I'm... Uh... Sorry - I didn't see you there."

"Well, you were deep in thought so I didn't think to announce my arrival." She said.

Riley-Jay took a big sip from her glass of water and placed it on the table. "And please don't call me Miss Lee. My parents call me that when I'm in trouble."

"Does your parents know you are here helping a murderer?" Bucky asked.

She pulled out a chair and sat opposite Bucky. "One - you are not a murderer per se. You're like a by proxy   
murderer. And two - my parents aren't around anymore so I don't really report to anyone."

Ignoring her first point, he pushed his cereal bowl away from him and leaned in closer; intrigue at the first   
personal detail she's voluntarily dished out.

"Your parents left you?" Bucky asked.

"Well, not by choice." She replied. "They died during the big SHIELD overturn."

Bucky felt the weight of his guilt return. "Oh."

Noticing the change in demeanor as she watched Bucky straighten, Riley-Jay hurriedly spoke up. "But they were   
not killed by you or the men you worked with."

She took another sip from her glass. "They were killed by the people they thought were their friends."

Bucky frowned. "I'm sorry."

Riley-Jay shrugged. "Like I said... Not your fault. I knew I'd eventually lose them one day whenever they went on   
their crazy missions. But I had never thought I'd lose them this way."

"Who cared for you after that?" He asked.

She looked at him. "Well... Tony-Mr Stark did. My parents were great friends to him and the Avengers. So, he had been caring for my welfare after they passed."

Bucky scoffed. "Can't imagine Stark being very happy that you are here with me."

"He doesn't know."

He looked at her, surprised at this discovery. "You didn't tell him?"

"Well, to be frank, I didn't even know why I was here until T'Challa brought me to you." Riley-Jay said.  
"You didn't contact him to tell him where you were once you knew?" Bucky asked.

Riley-Jay furrowed her eyebrows. "What for? I'm not going to invite trouble into T'Challa's home."

"You're like a double-agent." Bucky said.  
"No. I'm not. I'm merely a civilian who wishes not to bring anyone any trouble." Riley-Jay said.

"But you left your job and the United States without telling anyone." Bucky said. "It's hard not to imagine Stark   
sending people out to look for you."

It suddenly dawned on Riley-Jay that Bucky was right. "Oh, shit."

Though she had done things like this before, it was never for a permanent time.

"Oh shit, shit, shit, shit, shitty-shit-shit." Riley-Jay said.

She was just about to stand up and head to find T'Challa when he came through the doors.

"T'Challa! Thank goodness! I was just about to look for you." She said. "I'm afraid-"

"Stark's here."

Riley-Jay's eyes widened a little as she looked at Bucky before looking at T'Challa. "Wait-what? How does he know I'm here?"

"He wants to meet you so you can ask him that yourself." T'Challa said.  
"Couldn't you have told him you didn't know where I was?" Riley-Jay said.  
"I found it best not to lie lest we dig an even bigger hole we cannot get out of." T'Challa said.

She rolled her eyes and mumbled. "You just had to be an honest man in times like these."

"Captain Rogers just returned from his mission." T'Challa said. "He'll be with Mr Barnes while we entertain Stark."

* * *

Tony Stark sat in the lounge of T'Challa's home as he awaited his arrival with Riley-Jay. Since assuming the role of godfather to Riley-Jay despite her grown age, he still regarded his duties seriously. So, when she up and left   
without a word, he knew she had left to do something he wouldn't have agreed to.

The doors to his left opened and in walked his host with Riley-Jay.

"Hey Tony." She greeted.

He pulled off his shades. "Hey RJ... So, you quit your job at Stark Industries without first letting me know and then I find out you've left the country for Wakanda."

Tony crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Might I inquire as to what your business is here?"

"I-uh-I came here for a vacation." Riley-Jay replied.  
"You and I both know that's bullshit." Tony said.

She sighed. "Okay, okay. I wanted a change of environment. T'Challa found me a job in his administration and I   
took it."

"I'm supposed to believe that?" Tony asked, his expression unamused.

He looked at T'Challa. "Do you mind giving me and my god-daughter here a little privacy?"

T'Challa gave him a solemn nod and left the room. As soon as the doors closed behind him, Tony looked back at Riley-Jay.

"Look, I know the fallout of the Avengers isn't what you had in mind and I know you're always on the right side of justice. But Cap is siding with a man that killed my parents." Tony said. "You cannot tell me that you don't   
understand that."

She shook her head. "I understand your anger with Captain Rogers but what I don't understand is your willingness to let the Avengers become a part of some government initiative. While I know there are consequences to the Avengers' rash action sometimes, you and I both know that it always outweighs the further destruction that you can prevent."

"So you're admitting that you left New York because you didn't agree with my decision." Tony said. "Where does   
your loyalty lie?"

Feeling angry, she said, "My loyalty lies with whoever requires justified assistance. My parents believed in that   
and if they were here, they'd support my decision to help Buck-"

Tony looked at her. "What?"

She swallowed the lump that was starting to form in her throat. Why couldn't she just keep things neutral?

He frowned at her. "Did you just say that you are helping the man who murdered my parents? That's why you're   
here?"

"I-"

"That's where you're wrong, Riley-Jay." He said. "Your parents will not support their daughter helping a murderer get back on his feet!"

She winced at the angry tone Tony was using and couldn't help but feel a little guilty for having him discover it   
this way.

He scoffed. "This was never about the Avengers becoming a government initiative. This was because you were   
sneaking over here to help Cap's dear friend. I can't believe that you would betray me like this."

"To-Mr Stark, with all due respect, I didn't know I was coming to Wakanda to help Bucky." Riley-Jay said. "I came here because a friend needed my help in research and development for his country."

"Okay. Fine. But if you were told beforehand that you'd be coming to help that cyborg, would you?" Tony asked.

Riley-Jay had thought long and hard about this ever since she came to Wakanda. While a part of her would always be loyal to her parents' best friend, she couldn't deny that a bigger part of her would have been loyal to the right course of action.

She sighed. "Yes, I would still have come."

Tony looked at her, though he was not surprised to hear those words from her.

She straightened and said, "I know what he did was unforgiving and cruel but he didn't do it of his own accord. If it wasn't Bucky, it would have been anyone else. He didn't do it because he wanted to. He did it because he was ordered to. HYDRA was slowly mangling his brain and he could do nothing about it."

"I know I can't force you to see it my way and I don't want to." She said, "But, please understand that I won't be   
able to live with myself if I let a man suffer for the rest of his life without trying to help him fix what he's been   
forced to go through."

Tony looked at her, upset that the situation had come to this. He really wanted to look at things her way but he   
just couldn't. He knows that he might be able to accept the reality of the situation one day but now wasn't the   
time.

"I have to go." Tony said. "Are you coming?"

Riley-Jay blinked. "No, I thought I made myself clear. My loyalty lies with the man I'm trying to help."

Tony nodded, upset and angry. "Okay, I've got your message loud and clear."

"I'm sorry Tony."

Tony put on his sunglasses as he made his way toward the hangar. "Yeah, I'm sorry too."

* * *

Riley-Jay returned to the lounge where she found T'Challa, Steve and Bucky sat on the sofa.

"Are you okay?" T'Challa asked.

"Yeah. I'm fine." Riley-Jay replied. "But you guys might wanna beef up security or something. Given how it went   
with Tony, I won't be surprised he'd divulge your location as soon as he gets back to New York."

T'Challa frowned and stood up with Steve by his side. "We'll go brief my men."

Riley-Jay nodded and sank into the sofa by her side. Bucky looked curiously at her. "So your loyalty lies with me?"

She pushed up her glasses and looked at Bucky quizzically before she figured out how he knew what transpired   
between Tony and her.

"Right." She said. "You all must have heard and seen what happened."

"The cat was worried you'd be kidnapped back to New York, so he had to invade your privacy." Bucky said.  
"Well, no need to worry. He left me behind." Riley-Jay said.  
"Only because you chose to get left behind when you told him your loyalty was with me." Bucky said.

He sat closer to her. "Why is your loyalty with me? Because no matter how I see it, I really don't deserve you   
standing on my side."

She looked at him. "Well, tough. I'm on your side and I'm going to help you stand on your side too."


End file.
